Shit!
Andrew, hey.
Here you go. Your regular lattes.
Literally saved my life. Thank you. Thank you.
- Everyone OK? - Yeah.
- Me too.
Hello, Frank? How's my favorite writer?
Of course you've been thinking about our talk
because you know I'm right.
Frank, people in this country are busy, broke,
and they hate to read. They need someone they can trust to say,
"Hey! Don't watch CSl: Indianapolis tonight.
Read a book! Read Frank's book." And that person is Oprah.
- Cuttin' it close. - One of those mornings.
Thank you, Captain Obvious.
Sweet...
- Uh, sorry. ...Jesus!
Rub some dirt on it, brother.
Frank, the truth is all A-plus novelists do publicity.
Roth, McCourt, Russo, and...
Frank! Can I tell you what else they have in common? A Pulitzer.
I need the shirt off your back. Literally.
- You're kidding, right? - Yankees, Boston, this Tuesday,
two company seats for your shirt. You have five seconds to decide.
Five, four, three, two, one.
I know...
- Shh! - Later.
Uh-oh.
Uh, hello. Hello?
Morning, boss. You have a conference call in 30 minutes.
Yes. About the marketing of the spring books. I know.
Staff meeting at 9:00.
Did you call, um... What's her name?
The one with the ugly hands.
- Janet. - Yes, Janet.
Yes. I did call her. I told her that
if she doesn't get her manuscript in on time
you won't give her a release date. Your immigration lawyer called.
He said it's imperative...
Cancel the call, push the meeting to tomorrow
and keep the lawyer on the sheets.
Oh, and get a hold of PR,
have them start drafting a press release.
Frank is doing Oprah.
Wow. Nicely done.
If I want your praise, I will ask for it.
Um...
Who is, uh, who is Jillian?
And why does she want me to call her?
Well, that was originally my cup.
And I'm drinking your coffee why?
Because your coffee spilled.
So, you drink unsweetened cinnamon light soy lattes?
I do. It's like Christmas in a cup.
Is that a coincidence?
Incredibly, it is.
I mean I wouldn't possibly drink the same coffee that you drink
just in case yours spilled.
That would be pathetic.
Morning. Miss Tate's office.
Hey, Bob.
Actually, we're headed to your office right now. Yeah.
Why are we headed to Bob's office?
Oop!
Have you finished the manuscript I gave you?
Uh, I read a few pages. I wasn't that impressed.
- Can I say something? - No.
I've read thousands of manuscripts,
and this is the only one I've given you.
There's an incredible novel in there.
The kind of novel you used to publish.
Uh, wrong. And I do think you order the same coffee as I do
just in case you spill, which is, in fact, pathetic.
- Or impressive. - I'd be impressed
if you didn't spill in the first place.
Now remember, you're just a prop in here.
Won't say a word.
Ah! Our fearless leader and her liege. Please, do come in.
Oh. Beautiful breakfront. Is it new?
It is English Regency Egyptian Revival, built in the 1800s
but, yes, it is new to my office.
Witty.
Bob, I'm letting you go.
Pardon?
I asked you over a dozen times to get Frank to do Oprah, and you didn't do it.
You're fired.
I have told you that is impossible.
Frank hasn't done an interview in 20 years.
Well that is interesting, because I just
got off the phone with him, and he is in.
Excuse me?
You didn't even call him, did you?
- But... - I know, I know.
Frank can be a little scary to deal with. For you.
Now, I will give you two months to find another job.
And then you can tell everyone you resigned, OK?
What's his twenty?
He's moving. He has crazy eyes.
Don't do it, Bob. Don't do it.
You poisonous bitch!
You can't fire me!
You don't think I see what you're doing here?
Sandbagging me on this Oprah thing
just so that you can look good to the board?
Because you are threatened by me!
- And you are a monster. - Bob, stop.
Just because you have no semblance of a life
outside of this office,
you think that you can treat all of us
like your own personal slaves.
You know what? I feel sorry for you.
Because you know what you're gonna have on your deathbed?
Nothing and no one.
Listen carefully, Bob.
I didn't fire you because I feel threatened. No.
I fired you because you're lazy, entitled, incompetent
and you spend more time cheating on your wife
than you do in your office.
And if you say another word,
Andrew here is gonna have you thrown out on your ass, OK?
Another word and you're going out of here
with an armed escort.
Andrew will film it with his little camera phone
and he will put it on that Internet site.
- What was it? - YouTube?
Exactly. Is that what you want?
Didn't think so. I have work to do.
Have security take his breakfront out of his office
and put it in my conference room.
Will do.
And I need you around this weekend
to help review his files and his manuscript.
- This weekend? - You have a problem with that?
No. I... just my grandmother's 90th birthday,
so I was gonna go home and...
...it's fine. I'll cancel it.
You're actually saving me from a weekend of misery anyway,
so it's... good talk, yeah.
I know, I know. OK, tell Gammy I'm sorry. OK? What...
Mom. What do you want me to tell you?
She's making me work the weekend.
No, I'm not... no.
Listen, I've worked too hard for this promotion
to throw it all away, OK?
I'm sure that Dad is pissed,
but we take all of our submissions around here very seriously.
We'll get back to you as soon as we can.
- Was that your family? - Yes.
- They tell you to quit? - Every single day.
Miss Tate's office.
Oh... Yeah. OK. All right.
Bergen and Malloy want to see you upstairs immediately.
OK. Come get me in ten minutes. We've got a lot to do.
Okey-doke.
Good morning, Miss Tate.
Jack, Edwin.
Margaret, congratulations on the Oprah thing.
- That's terrific news. - Thank you, thank you.
This isn't about my second raise, is it? Just kidding.
Margaret, do you remember when we agreed
that you wouldn't go to the Frankfurt Book Fair
because you weren't allowed out of the country
while your visa application was being processed?
Yes. I do.
And... you went to Frankfurt.
Yes, I did. We were going to lose DeLillo to Viking.
So... really didn't have a choice, did I?
It seems that the United States Government
doesn't care much who publishes Don DeLillo.
We, uh, just spoke to your immigration attorney.
Great. So, we're all good? Everything good?
Margaret, your visa application has been denied.
And you are being deported.
Deported?
And apparently there was also some paperwork
that you didn't fill out in time.
Come on. Come on! It's not like I'm even an immigrant!
I'm from Canada, for Christ's sake.
There's gotta be... there's gotta be something we can do.
We can reapply, but unfortunately
you have to leave the country for at least a year.
OK. OK, well, that's not ideal, but, uh...,
I can, uh... I can manage everything from Toronto...
No, Margaret.
...with videoconferencing and Internet.
Unfortunately, Margaret,
if you're deported, you can't work for an American company.
Until this is resolved I'm going to turn operations over
to Bob Spaulding.
Bob Spaulding? The guy I just fired?
We need an editor in chief.
He is the only person in the building who has enough experience.
- You cannot be serious. I beg of you. - Margaret.
We are desperate to have you stay.
If there was any way, any way at all
that we could make this work, we'd be doing it.
There is no way...
I am begging you.
No, Margaret. Excuse me, we're in a meeting.
- Sorry to interrupt. - What? What!
Mary from Miss Winfrey's office called. She's on the line.
- I know. - She's on hold.
She needs to speak with you right away. I told her you were otherwise engaged.
She insisted, so... sorry.
So...
Uh...
Come here.
Uh... Gentlemen, I understand. I understand...
the predicament that we are in.
And, um...
And there's, uh... well...
I think there's something that you should know.
Uh... we're, uh... we're getting married.
We are getting married.
- Who is getting married? - You and I.
You and I are getting married! Yes.
- We are. - Getting married.
- We are getting married. - Yes.
Isn't he your secretary?
Assistant.
Executive, uh... assistant secretary. Titles.
But, wouldn't be the first time one of us fell for our secretaries.
Would it, Edwin?
With Laquisha. Remember?
So, yeah... The truth is,
you know, Andrew and I, we're... we are just two people
who weren't meant to fall in love but we did.
No.
All those late nights at the office and weekend book fairs.
- Yeah... - No.
- Something happened. - Something.
Yeah. Tried to fight it and...
Can't, can't fight a...
Can't fight a love like ours, so, uh...
Uh... Are we good with this? Are you happy?
Because, well... we are happy. So happy.
- Margaret. - Yes?
It's terrific.
Just make it legal. Mmm?
Oh! Legal.
Yeah, well, then... then that means we...
...we need to get ourselves to the immigration office.
So we can work this whole mess out. Right?
Thank you very much, gentlemen.
We will do that right away.
Thank you very much, gentlemen. Thank you.
- Gentlemen. - Thank you.
Margaret and Andrew are getting married!
What is that about?
Dragon Lady! Here they come...
Yeah.
What is he thinking?
Mmm-mmm-mmm.
Dude, for real. Her?
Married? Didn't even know they were dating...
What?
I don't understand what's happening.
Relax. This is for you, too.
Do explain.
They were going to make Bob chief.
So naturally I would have to marry you.
And what's the problem?
Like you were saving yourself for someone special?
I like to think so. Besides, it's illegal.
They're looking for terrorists, not for book publishers.
- Margaret. - Yes?
- I'm not gonna marry you. - Sure you are.
Because if you don't marry me, your dreams of touching the lives of millions
with the written word are dead.
Bob is gonna fire you the second I'm gone. Guaranteed.
That means you're out on the street alone looking for a job.
That means all the time that we spent together, all the lattes,
all the canceled dates, all the midnight Tampax runs,
were all for nothing and all your dreams of being an editor are gone.
But don't worry, after the required allotment of time,
we'll get a quickie divorce and you'll be done with me.
But until then, like it or not,
your wagon is hitched to mine. OK?
Phone.
- This way. - Margaret.
- Come. - The line...
Next, please.
Ooh, ooh. Just, uh...
Sorry, I just need to ask him something.
I need for you to file this fiancée visa for me, please.
- Miss Tate? - Yes.
Please, come with me.
Yes, ma'am, I understand that. We're backed up...
I have a bad feeling about this.
- Hi. Hello. - Hello.
Hi. I'm Mr. Gilbertson.
- Ah! - And you must be Andrew,
- and you must be... - Margaret.
...Margaret. Sorry about the wait.
It's a, uh, crazy day today.
Oh, of course, of course. We understand.
And I can't tell you how much we appreciate you seeing us
- on such short notice. - OK.
# Buh, buh, buh, buh, buh buh, buh, buh, buuuh
So, I have one question for you.
Are you both committing fraud to avoid her deportation
so she can keep her position as editor in chief at Colden Books?
- That's ridiculous. - Where did you hear that?
We had a phone tip this afternoon from a man named...
Would it be Bob Spaulding?
Bob Spaulding.
Bob. Poor Bob. I am so sorry.
Bob is nothing but a disgruntled former employee.
And I apologize.
But we know you're incredibly busy
with a room full of gardeners and delivery boys to tend to.
If you just give us our next step,
we will be out of your hair and on our way.
Miss Tate, please.
Let me explain to you the process that's about to unfold.
Step one will be a scheduled interview.
I'll put you each in a room, and I'll ask you every little question
that a real couple would know about each other.
Step two, I dig deeper. I look at your phone records,
I talk to your neighbors, I interview your coworkers.
If your answers don't match up at every point,
you will be deported indefinitely.
And you, young man, will have committed a felony...
...punishable by a fine of $250,000
and a stay of five years in federal prison.
So, Andrew.
You wanna... you want to talk to me?
No?
Yes?
The truth is...
Mr. Gilbertson, the truth is...
Margaret and I...
...are just two people
who weren't supposed to fall in love.
But did.
We couldn't tell anyone we work with
because of my big promotion that I had coming up.
- Promotion? - Yeah.
- Your? - We... we both felt, uh...
...that it would be deeply inappropriate if I were to be promoted to editor.
- Editor. Mmm-hmm. ...while we were...
So...
Have the two of you told your parents about your secret love?
Oh, I... impossible. My parents are dead.
- No brothers or sisters either. - Gone.
Are your parents dead?
- Oh, no, his are very much alive. - No... very much.
Very much. They're, ah... Well, we were gonna tell them this weekend.
Gammy's 90th birthday, and the whole family's coming together.
And we thought it'd be a nice surprise.
And where is this surprise gonna take place?
At Andrew's parents' house.
Where is that located again?
Um... Why am I doing all the talking?
It's your parents' house.
Why don't you tell him where it is. Jump in.
- Sitka. - Sitka.
- Alaska. - Alaska?
You're gonna go to Alaska this weekend?
- Yeah. - Yes, yes.
We are going to Alaska. Alaska, that's where...
That's where my little... that's where my Andrew's from.
OK.
Fine. I see how this is gonna go.
I will see you both at 11:00 Monday morning
for your scheduled interview,
and your answers better match up on every account.
- Thank you. - Hello?
- I'm looking forward to this one. - We're looking forward to this one.
Thank you.
Gonna be fun. I'll be checking up on you.
You got it.
OK... so, what's gonna happen is we will go up there.
We will pretend like we're boyfriend and girlfriend,
tell your parents we're engaged.
Uh, use the miles for the tickets.
I guess I will pop for you to fly first class. But make sure you use the miles.
If we don't get the miles, we're not doing it.
Oh, and please confirm the vegan meal, OK?
'Cause last time they actually gave it to a vegan,
and they, uh... forced me to eat
this clammy, warm, creamy salad thing, which was...
Hey, I'm... Why aren't you taking notes?
I'm sorry, were you not in that room?
What? What?
Oh! The thing you said about being promoted?
Genius! Genius. He completely fell for it.
I was serious.
I'm looking at a $250,000 fine and five years in jail.
That changes things.
- Promote you to editor? No, no way. - Then I quit, and you're screwed.
Bye-bye, Margaret.
- Andrew! - It really has been
- a little slice of heaven. - Andrew, Andrew! Fine, fine.
I'll make you editor. Fine.
If you do the Alaska weekend and the immigration interview,
I will make you editor. Happy?
- And not in two years. Right away. - Fine.
And you'll publish my manuscript.
Ten thousand copy first...
Twenty thousand copies, first run.
And we'll tell my family about our engagement
when I want and how I want.
Now, ask me nicely.
"Ask you nicely" what?
Ask me nicely to marry you, Margaret.
- What does that mean? - You heard me. On your knee.
Fine.
- Does this work for you? - Oh, I like this. Yeah.
- Will you marry me? - No.
Say it like you mean it.
- Andrew? - Yes, Margaret?
- Sweet Andrew? - I'm listening.
Would you please, with cherries on top, marry me?
OK. I don't appreciate the sarcasm, but I'll do it.
- See you at the airport tomorrow. - Good.
So, these are the questions that INS is gonna ask us.
Now, the good news is is I know everything about you,
but the bad news is that you have four days
to learn all this about me. So, you should... probably get studying.
You know all the answers to these questions about me?
- Scary, isn't it? - A little bit.
- What am I allergic to? - Pine nuts.
And the full spectrum of human emotion.
Oh, that's... that was funny.
- Mmm-hmm. - Umm...
Here's a good one. Do I have any scars?
I'm pretty sure that you have a tattoo.
Oh, you're pretty sure?
I'm pretty sure. Two years ago, your dermatologist called
and asked about a Q-switched laser.
I of course Googled a Q-switched laser
and found that they in fact do remove tattoos.
But you canceled your appointment.
So what is it? Tribal ink?
Japanese calligraphy? Barbed wire?
You know, it's exciting for me to experience you like this.
Thank you. You're gonna have to tell me where it is, though.
- No, I'm not. - They're gonna ask.
We're done with that question. We're done with that question.
On to another question. Let me see, let me see.
Oh, here's one. Whose place do we stay at, yours or mine?
That's easy. Mine.
And why wouldn't we stay at mine?
Because I live at Central Park West.
And you probably live at some squalid little studio apartment
with stacks of yellowed Penguin Classics.
Ladies and gentlemen, please fasten your seat belts.
We are beginning our descent into Juneau.
Juneau? I thought we were going to Sitka.
- We are. - How are we getting to Sitka?
Whoa.
All right. Here we go.
- Oh, there he is! - Andrew!
Hi. Right this way...
- Hi! - Oh...
- It's so good to see you! - You're suffocating him, Grace.
- Come here. - Hey, Gammy.
Ah, Gammy. How are you doing? Where's Dad?
Oh, you know your father. He's always working.
Never mind about him. Where's your girl?
Uh, she's... right there.
- Ah. - There she is.
I guess the word "girl" is inappropriate.
Annie.
- Hi! - Hello.
- Margaret, this is my mom. - Oh, hello.
Yeah, great. This is my gammy, Annie.
- Pleasure. - Well, hello there.
Now, do you prefer being called Margaret or Satan's Mistress?
We've heard it both ways.
Actually we've heard it lots of ways.
She's kidding.
Oh! Oh... OK.
Thank you so much for...
allowing me to be a part of this weekend.
Oh, you're welcome. We're thrilled to have you.
Let's get you two back to the fort.
- OK. - Oh...
- It's so good to see you. - There we are.
Andrew...
Andrew. Andrew!
Please, don't do that.
You didn't tell me about all the family businesses, honey.
He was probably just being modest, dear.
Oh.
What are we doing? Shouldn't we check into our hotel right now?
Oh, we canceled your reservation.
Family doesn't stay at a hotel.
You're gonna stay in our home.
Oh, great! Great.
- What? - God.
You're gonna wanna use your legs to lift that one.
Andrew! Help her with those.
I'd love to, but she won't let me do anything.
She insists on doing it all herself. She's one of those... she's a feminist.
Come on, sweetie.
You see the shoes that broad was wearing?
This is the last of 'em.
- Oh! - Ooh.
- Five second rule. - Got it!
That will dry right off.
Psst! Psst! I'm not getting on that boat.
You don't have to. See you in a few days.
Psst! You know I can't swim.
Hence, the boat.
Come on.
Come on. Here we go.
Looking good, boss. Take your time, though.
Shh.
She comes with a lot of baggage.
Just gonna give you a little hand here.
Hand off ass! Off ass!
There you go. You're there.
Congratulations. I'm a hundred years old now.
Here we are. We're home.
That is your home?
Who are you people?
Why did you tell me you were poor?
- I never said I was poor. - But you never told me you were rich.
I'm not rich. My parents are rich.
OK, you know what? That's something only rich people say.
Hey, Andrew! Welcome home!
Hi! Mom, what is this?
Nothing. It's just a little welcoming party.
Is that a crime?
Just 50 of our closest friends and neighbors.
And all excited to meet you.
- Oh, good. Good. - Come on. Come on.
- A party? - Yeah, I guess so.
Come on. Let's go. My grandma's moving faster than you.
Put your back into it.
So nice to meet you, Margaret. Welcome to Sitka.
Jill? Hi. Nice to meet you. My pleasure.
Why didn't you tell me you were some kind of Alaskan Kennedy?
How could I?
We were in the middle of talking about you for the last three years.
OK, know what? Timeout, OK?
This bickering Bickerson thing has got to stop.
People need to think that we are in love. So let's just...
That, that's no problem. I can do that.
I can pretend to be the doting fiancé. That's easy.
But for you, it's going to require
that you stop snacking on children while they dream.
Very funny. When are you going to tell them we're engaged?
I'll pick the right moment.
Hey, Andrew. Hi!
Mrs. McKittrick. How are you? Nice to see you.
Nice to see you, Mr. McKittrick. This is Margaret.
- Hi. Pleasure. - Margaret!
Hi, how are you? Pleasure.
So I always wanted to know, what does a book editor do?
That's a great question, Louise.
I'm curious to know the answer myself.
- Hello, Dad. - Son.
This must be Maggie.
Uh, Margaret.
- Joe. Pleasure to meet you. - Pleasure's mine.
So why don't you tell us exactly what a book editor does.
Besides taking writers out to lunch and getting bombed.
Now that sounds like fun.
No wonder you like being an editor.
No, Louise. Andrew's not an editor, he's an editor's assistant.
Maggie here is the editor.
Margaret.
- So you're actually... - Andrew's boss. Yeah.
Well. How about that.
Huh.
I think I'll get a refill.
Charming.
That's a hell of a first impression, Dad.
What the hell, Andrew?
You show up here after all this time with this woman you hated
- and now she's your girlfriend? - We just got here.
Can we wait two seconds
before we throw the kitchen sink at each other?
Just never figured you for a guy who slept his way to the middle.
Actually, I'll have you know that that woman in there
is one of the most respected editors in town.
She's your meal ticket,
and you brought her home to meet your mother.
She's not my meal ticket, Dad. She's my fiancée.
- What'd you say? - You heard me.
I'm getting married.
- How are you? - Good, good. Thank you.
Would you care for some hors d'oeuvres?
No, I'm fine. Thank you very much.
It's a tradition.
It's the texture. I'm not a fish person.
- You'll like it. - You're very sweet.
I think if you'll just taste it.
Thank you so much.
Ladies and gentlemen...
I have a very important announcement to make.
Margaret and I are getting married.
It's the paprika.
So sorry.
That's OK. It's wash-and-wear.
Yep. Honey? Where you at?
Here it is.
Come on down here, pumpkin.
- All right. - OK.
Oh, look at her. Look at her.
Right there, ladies and gentlemen. There she is.
Congratulations, Andrew.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
- Time to celebrate. - Get the champagne.
So that was your idea of the perfect time
- to tell them we're engaged? - Mmm.
'Cause it was brilliant. Brilliant timing.
Andrew. Hi.
Gert? Oh, my God. Hey, hi. Wow.
How you doing? I didn't know that you were gonna be here.
Your mom probably wanted it to be a surprise. So... surprise.
- Right. - And...
...we're being completely rude. Hi.
- Oh, God. This is my ex... - Hi. I'm Gertrude.
- Oh! Oh, wow. Wow! - You can call me Gert.
Well, congratulations, you guys.
- Thank you. - Thank you.
So did I miss the story?
- What story? - What story?
About how you proposed.
Oh! How a man proposes says a lot about his character.
- Yes. - Yes, it does.
I actually would love to hear the story, Andrew.
Would you tell us?
- Yeah. - Yeah.
You know what?
Actually, Margaret loves telling this story...
so I'm just gonna let her go ahead and do that.
'Cause I think we should just sit in rapture.
Huh! Wow, OK.
Wow, where to begin... this story.
Well... um, wow.
Mmm... yeah.
OK, well, um, Andrew and I...
Andrew and I were about to celebrate
- our first anniversary together. - Aw...
And I knew that he'd been itching to ask me to marry him.
And he was scared. Like a little tiny bird.
So I started leaving him little hints here and there...
...because I knew he wouldn't have the guts to ask, but...
That's not exactly how it happened.
- No? Hmm. - No. No.
I mean, I picked up on all her little hints.
This woman's about as subtle as a gun.
Yeah.
What I was worried about was
that she might find this little box...
Oh! The decoupage box that he made
where he'd taken the time to cut out
tiny, little pictures of himself. Yes.
Just pasted all over the box. Oh! So beautiful.
So I opened that beautiful, little decoupage
and out fluttered these tiny, little hand-cut heart confettis.
And once they cleared, I looked down, and I saw...
...the most beautiful, big...
...fat nothing.
No ring.
- No ring? - What?
No. But inside that box...
...underneath all that crap...
...there was a little handwritten note...
with the address to a hotel, date, and time.
Real Humphrey Bogart-type stuff.
Yeah.
Masculine.
Anyway, naturally, Margaret thought...
I thought he was seeing someone else.
It was a terrible time for me,
but I went to that hotel anyway.
I went there and I pounded on the door,
but the door was already unlocked.
And as swung open that door, there he was...
- Standing. - Kneeling.
- Like a man. - On a bed of rose petals,
in a tuxedo. Your son. Your son.
And he was choking back soft, soft sobs.
And when he held back the tears and finally caught his breath,
he said to me...
"Margaret, will you marry me?"
And she said, "Yep." The end. Who's hungry?
That is quite a story.
- Oh, Andy! - Gorgeous.
You are so sensitive.
Hand-cut confetti?
Hey! Let's see a kiss from you two cuties.
Give her a kiss!
- No. Come on. - Oh, yeah.
Come on!
OK, all right.
OK. Here we go. Ready?
What is this? Kiss her on the mouth like you mean it.
- Kiss her. Kiss her! - Kiss her!
Kiss her! Kiss her! Kiss her! Kiss her!
OK!
- OK. All right. - OK.
- Here we go. - Mmm-hmm. OK.
Oh!
Andy! Give her a real kiss!
- Gammy. - A real one!
- Yeah. - You can do it!
Why don't we just do it? Let's just do it really fast.
Mmmm.
- Mmm. - Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm.
- OK. - Mmm.
Hmm.
I'm so happy for you two!
So happy! So happy!
Let's get the champagne!
So here we are.
This is your bedroom.
Wow. Wow, this is, um... beautiful. And the view.
And here's the bed.
Wow! Exquisite bed. Exquisite.
So... where is Andrew's room?
Oh, sweetie, we're not under any illusions
that you two don't sleep in the same bed.
He'll sleep in here with you.
Oh, great, 'cause we love to snuggle.
- Don't we, honey. - We're huge snugglers.
Oh, my God. What is it?
- Calm down, Kevin. - Whoa! You are cute.
Who is this?
- That's Kevin. I'm sorry, Margaret. - So cute.
We just rescued him from the pound,
and he's still in training. Sorry.
Just be sure you don't let him outside,
or the eagles will snatch him.
No, don't you listen to her.
She's just pulling your leg, isn't she?
By the way, there are extra towels and linens and things
in here if you need them.
And if you get chilly tonight...
...use this.
It has special powers.
Oh, what kind of special powers?
I call it the Baby Maker.
OK, well. Then I guess we...
...gonna be super careful with that one.
- Yeah, I'm just gonna... - Don't throw it on the bed.
We'd better turn in. It's been quite an evening.
So good night, everybody.
- Good night. - Good night.
- Good night, Gammy.
- Good night. - Good night.
- Good night, Gammy.
Thank you so much. Sweet dreams.
- Bye-bye, now. - Bye.
So, uh... you haven't been home in a while.
I haven't had a lot of vacation time the last three years.
Stop complaining.
Um... Don't look, OK?
OK.
Are your eyes closed?
Completely.
- Are you sure? - Yes, I'm sure.
Those are the pajamas you decided to bring to Alaska.
Yes, because I was supposed to be in a hotel alone.
- Remember? - Can we just go to sleep?
- Fine. - Great.
Well.
Looks like I won't be getting much sleep
with the sun streaming in.
Thank you.
Andrew. Phone.
Andrew!
Crap. Andrew, Andrew, phone.
Andrew!
Yeah... right.
- Andrew, where is it? - Purse, side pocket.
Hello. Hello? Hello.
Frank! Frank, darling.
Darling, Frank.
Are you there? Hello? Hello? Oh, crap.
I have horrible service, Frank. Give me just one minute.
Oh, my God! Margaret!
One... one minute. Frank, hold on just a second.
Frank, hold on. No, no, no, no.
Frank. Frank, I'm sorry you feel
I pressured you into doing Oprah, but...
Of course I want you to be happy. Yes, yes.
Frank. Frank. Frank, darling. Frank? It's going to be fine.
I can just call them and I can cancel.
You are... you are so right, Frank.
Yes, Frank, of course I'm listening to you.
Yeah... yes.
I love listening to you, Frank.
Shh! Sit. Sit.
No, not you, Frank.
No, no.
Frank, if I may get down to it, OK...
I think it would be a mistake to back out.
Because, Frank, for so many years...
...you have inspired me with your beautiful words, and I feel that...
Shh! Dog, I'm on the phone.
I think it's time that the world get to enjoy your words as well.
They are just so rich
with... passion...
And I think that we should all be privy to.
Frank, I just, uh...
I just, uh, want you to be happy, Frank.
Give me that dog!
Frank, hold on a second. Can you hold a second?
Give me that dog!
Come on! Come on, come on, come on.
Come on! Come on! Oh, oh...
Oh, oh! Oh, oh. OK! OK, gotcha.
Frank, Frank.
Frank? So sorry, so sorry.
So sorry. I dropped the phone. Now, listen, Frank.
I don't want to sell you on anything,
but this is your legacy, this book.
And I think it's up to you to
present your legacy to the world.
And call me tomorrow with your decision.
And my phone is on all the time! OK, bye-bye.
No! Wait!
No! No! N-n-n... no. No
Take the doggy. Look at the doggy.
I need that phone. Take the dog.
Take the dog. I need that phone!
Here. Take the dog. Take the dog. Take it. Take it.
Look at this.
- Is that cute or what? - I know.
Morning, guys. Have you seen... daah.
She's playing with Kevin. We thought she didn't like him.
Will you go get her, Andy?
We have a whole day planned for her,
and she needs to get ready.
Yeah. Tell her we have a big surprise for her.
Mmm.
Look! Give me my phone. Come on. Please, just give me my phone.
- Come on. Right here. - What the hell are you doing?
Oh, my God. Your grandmother was completely right.
The eagle came and tried to take the dog.
But then I saved him. Then it came back, and it took my phone.
- Are you drunk? - What? No! I'm serious.
He's got my phone, and Frank's calling me on that phone.
Relax, all right?
We'll order another phone, same number. We'll go into town tomorrow and get it.
- Really? - Yeah.
Oh, OK. All right. Well, you go then.
- You have to get ready. - For what?
You're going out with Mom and the girls.
- I don't want to go out. - Shopping, sightseeing. And a surprise.
- I hate shopping. - You'll love it.
- I hate sightseeing. - You're going.
- No, I don't want to go. - You're going.
- I'm not going. I'm not going. - Yes, you are.
Now give me a nice big hug. We don't want them
- to think we're fighting. - I don't want to touch you.
- Come on. Hug time. - No, I don't want to...
- Hug time. - I don't want to...
There we go.
Yeah, that's nice.
Yeah. That's nice.
There we go. Isn't that nice?
- Mmm-hmm. - Mmm-hmm.
- Mmm. Yeah. - Boop boop boop.
If you touch my ass one more time,
I will cut your balls off in your sleep. OK?
- Yeah. - There you go.
All righty now. So, uh... We clear on that?
- Yeah. - Yeah. Such a good fiancé.
Hmm. Ow.
- Jeez. - You want to see me?
Your mom found these eco-balls.
They dissolve in water.
I don't know how she comes up with this stuff.
Anyway, she, uh... is a little peeved.
Apparently, I wasn't the most gracious of hosts last night.
It was a little bit of a shock
to find out that you're getting married...
...especially when none of us even knew you were dating.
The point is... I owe you an apology.
Accepted.
There's something else.
I've been going over my retirement plans recently,
and it got me thinking.
I've done a lot of things in my life.
Practically built an empire with your mother from the ground up.
It doesn't mean anything unless...
Unless you have someone to leave it to.
- We already discussed this. - I'd like to discuss it again.
You have responsibilities here.
I think I've been more than understanding
about your goofing off in New York.
I need you to quit playing around...
Here we go again.
When are you going to start taking what I do seriously?
When you start acting seriously.
I'm sorry.
I feel sorry for you, Dad.
I wish you had another son. I really do.
One who wanted to stay here.
One who wanted to take over the family business.
One who wanted to marry someone that you approve of,
but it's not me. Now, it must seem strange to you,
my life in New York... sitting in an office, reading books.
But it makes me happy. You understand?
If that's what makes you happy, son, I got nothing to say.
Well, that's a first.
You know what? Apology not accepted. Have fun out here.
There is no way you could leave her at home.
She had to be here. Absolutely.
She's been coming here forever.
I hope you are ready for your big surprise...
...because this is one of Sitka's greatest treasures.
- Right? - Oh, yes. Oh, yeah.
OK, this is the big surprise
I was telling you about. You ready?
Oh, Margaret, you're gonna love it!
Ramone's the only exotic dancer on the island.
But we're lucky to have him.
Work it, Ramone!
- Wow. - Over here, Ramone! Over here.
Over here, honey.
Show her what she's gonna be missing.
Come, my sexy princess.
- Yeah! - Oh, no. Not necessary.
It's a really nice gesture, but I really need to just...
Go on, Margaret. Get up there!
You come dance.
OK, pluck my eyes out. OK.
All right. Here we go.
Go, Margaret! Go, Margaret!
Hey.
Hey... oh.
Give it to her, Ramone!
Go on, Ramone! Give it to her!
Ooh, that's a move I haven't seen.
Look at her face!
Guess who. For you. For you. For you.
- Yeah! - Enjoy!
I don't want to touch it. No. OK, OK. Very sweet.
No, no, no, no, no.
Smack him!
- I'm sorry? - Smack his ass.
Smack it. OK.
- Smack him, Margaret! - Give it to him!
Yeah! Woo!
Can I get down now?
Free. Be free.
Hey! There you are. How are you holding up?
Oh, fine. Fine. Just working on my tan.
Yeah, the Paxtons can be a bit overwhelming at times.
Yes, yes.
It's a little different than New York, huh?
Little bit. Little bit. You ever been?
No. That was always Andrew's dream, not mine.
You guys were pretty serious, huh?
Well, I mean, we dated in high school and all through college,
but we were kids.
And you guys called it off because of...
Well, um...
the night before we graduated school, he proposed...
...and said he wanted to elope
and run away to New York with me.
And...
You said "no."
And I said "no," yeah.
I've never been anywhere but here. This is home.
But anyway... you're a lucky girl.
He really is the best, which you obviously already know.
Oh, yep. Yep, very much so, yeah.
Well, cheers to you guys.
Oh... Thank you.
Looks like Ramone's wrappin' it up.
Go, Annie!
I've never seen him so...
- No, he really got down. ...out there. I mean...
He was wonderful.
Oh, no.
Andrew!
Andrew, honey, is everything OK?
What... What's he doing?
Something's up. It's best to leave him alone.
Come on, honey.